First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
