i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
