At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
This house was built for laser tag.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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