Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
