I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
