went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
