YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
