Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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