wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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