you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
She said her name was "party"
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
