Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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