Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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