your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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