Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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