You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
