Will you blow on my dice?
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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