He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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