just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
