College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
