So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Randomize
