PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
