HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
