Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
