I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Randomize
