so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Is it because I queefed?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
