You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
