Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
