Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
