..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
