you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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