why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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