the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
