soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
