You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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