Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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