she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
