Michael Bay diarrhea
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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