I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
