If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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