MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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