My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
