she woke up with a sticky ear
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
