You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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