I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
