since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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