worst night to have a conscience
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
