I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
