Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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