The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
