I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
