hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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