She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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