i jhust puked up my retainher.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
