so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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