Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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